The stars and moon have risen in the sky and I lay here thoughts full of memories of he and I. I think about the bad and then the good and then the bad again. I dont ever want to fall asleep thinking of the good because that will make me miss him and when I miss him I rather not wake up with the sun.
The journey to become “okay” without him is long and continuous. I am taking it day by day. Thats all you can really do. I surround myself with positive people, play with my kids, and focus more on me. I have to stop myself from thinking of him every now and then but I am finding it gets easier as the days press onward.
One day I went to the park and saw a family much like how mine use to be. Three young children, father, mother. The father was very much engaged with his kids at play and I couldnt help but smile when seeing and hearing the laughter from them. My smile faded when I looked at my kids without their father and tears filled my eyes. It was a struggle to keep my smile on my face. I let the thought of him not being there for the kids interrupt a happy moment for us. I was upset with myself after realizing this and vowed to not let that happen again.
No one ever wants to remember the pain but everyday I remind myself so I don’t think of him. Instead I smile and rejoice in the freedom I have again. Everyday I find my happy without him, without the thought of him, because that’s where my happy starts… with being happy with just myself.