All posts by rockababe

Finding Happy Without Him

The stars and moon have risen in the sky and I lay here thoughts full of memories of he and I. I think about the bad and then the good and then the bad again. I dont ever want to fall asleep thinking of the good because that will make me miss him and when I miss him I rather not wake up with the sun.

The journey to become “okay” without him is long and continuous. I am taking it day by day. Thats all you can really do. I surround myself with positive people, play with my kids, and focus more on me. I have to stop myself from thinking of him every now and then but I am finding it gets easier as the days press onward.

One day I went to the park and saw a family much like how mine use to be. Three young children, father, mother. The father was very much engaged with his kids at play and I couldnt help but smile when seeing and hearing the laughter from them. My smile faded when I looked at my kids without their father and tears filled my eyes. It was a struggle to keep my smile on my face. I let the thought of him not being there for the kids interrupt a happy moment for us. I was upset with myself after realizing this and vowed to not let that happen again.

No one ever wants to remember the pain but everyday I remind myself so I don’t think of him. Instead I smile and rejoice in the freedom I have again. Everyday I find my happy without him, without the thought of him, because that’s where my happy starts… with being happy with just myself.

Fat Girl Problems

Hello out there!

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here is my “before” picture

Growing up I was always active. I played sports and was very competitive. I never worried about being “inshape” because I already was. Then I became pregnant, and after giving birth to all three of my children, I stopped caring and kept eating. I went from 130lbs to 220lbs. I am currently sitting at 210. It frightens me to get on the scale and see that number but it frightens me even more to see a full body picture of myself because the truth is staring me in the face, “yes you are that big and yes you do really look like that.”

So what am I going to do about it? I have decided to get back on track with my health and fitness once again. Next week I will be meeting with a trainer because lets face it, right now I am having a hard time motivating myself to push harder because I am LAZY. Yes I said it. Being my size looking at an elliptical is daunting. Thinking about having to run is torture. I don’t have the energy anymore and like Fat Amy from Pitch Perfect, horizontal running is totally my kind of running.

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Follow me every week as I go though my struggles of being “fat” and working my way towards “fit.”

Love ya,

Fat girl 🙂