All posts by rockababe

Finding Happy Without Him

The stars and moon have risen in the sky and I lay here thoughts full of memories of he and I. I think about the bad and then the good and then the bad again. I dont ever want to fall asleep thinking of the good because that will make me miss him and when I miss him I rather not wake up with the sun.

The journey to become “okay” without him is long and continuous. I am taking it day by day. Thats all you can really do. I surround myself with positive people, play with my kids, and focus more on me. I have to stop myself from thinking of him every now and then but I am finding it gets easier as the days press onward.

One day I went to the park and saw a family much like how mine use to be. Three young children, father, mother. The father was very much engaged with his kids at play and I couldnt help but smile when seeing and hearing the laughter from them. My smile faded when I looked at my kids without their father and tears filled my eyes. It was a struggle to keep my smile on my face. I let the thought of him not being there for the kids interrupt a happy moment for us. I was upset with myself after realizing this and vowed to not let that happen again.

No one ever wants to remember the pain but everyday I remind myself so I don’t think of him. Instead I smile and rejoice in the freedom I have again. Everyday I find my happy without him, without the thought of him, because that’s where my happy starts… with being happy with just myself.


Fat Girl Problems

Hello out there!

here is my “before” picture

Growing up I was always active. I played sports and was very competitive. I never worried about being “inshape” because I already was. Then I became pregnant, and after giving birth to all three of my children, I stopped caring and kept eating. I went from 130lbs to 220lbs. I am currently sitting at 210. It frightens me to get on the scale and see that number but it frightens me even more to see a full body picture of myself because the truth is staring me in the face, “yes you are that big and yes you do really look like that.”

So what am I going to do about it? I have decided to get back on track with my health and fitness once again. Next week I will be meeting with a trainer because lets face it, right now I am having a hard time motivating myself to push harder because I am LAZY. Yes I said it. Being my size looking at an elliptical is daunting. Thinking about having to run is torture. I don’t have the energy anymore and like Fat Amy from Pitch Perfect, horizontal running is totally my kind of running.


Follow me every week as I go though my struggles of being “fat” and working my way towards “fit.”

Love ya,

Fat girl 🙂